Aikido
The start of a new journey
“See, wasn’t that fun?” my hakama-wearing senpai asks me in a gentle tone. I can’t see his face, but I can tell that he’s smiling as he holds my arm down. I’m a sweaty mess pinned to the mat. I’ve just experienced my first suwari waza shomen uchi ikkyo. The corners of my lips start to lift and I chuckle. “Yeah.”
It was a desire that had been simmering in me for well over a decade that made me sign up for Aikido. I had practiced Judo for a whole school year when I was in third grade, but, despite enjoying my classes a great deal, had decided not to continue due to the anxiety I felt around the examinations.
When I was in college, I wanted to go back to learning a martial art, even if I wasn’t sure which one. At eighteen, though, I felt like I was already behind and I told myself that I was too old to start. Looking back, it was really fear that held me back. Very much like the fear that had made me quit Judo years earlier.
When living in Minamata, I again considered learning a martial art, but ended up signing up for Taiko. I’ll have to tell you more about my time practicing Taiko someday, because it was a meaningful experience that shared some similarities with martial arts. In fact, I’ve held on to my bachi and uniform in hopes that I might one day practice again.
Since moving to Portugal six years ago, I’ve looked up martial arts dojos at least once a year. The thing is, I live in a remote area, and though I’m close enough to a town, there aren’t any dojos here. Even in the next town over, I couldn’t find anything that I had a good feeling about. And yet, this desire just wouldn’t leave me alone.
So, what changed?
I finally decided to stop making excuses as to why I couldn’t do it. I found a dojo that’s a five to seven-minute drive from my dad’s place, which is an hour and twenty minutes away by car. Due to practical reasons, right now I can only attend class once a week. It’s not ideal, but I’ve just come to accept that once a week is better than nothing at all.
I’m also grateful for whatever grace allowed me to find my new sensei. When it was time to transfer him some money in order to complete my registration, I hesitated for a moment. I didn’t even know him. I had just reached out to him that same day letting him know that I was interested.
The intuitive spark that moved me to send him a message in the first place proved to be a good one. I had my first class that day, and despite the discomfort of being a complete beginner in a class where I didn’t know a single person, I could tell that I was in the right place. Now, after only two weeks, I already feel like I’ve gained a new family.
This morning, I woke up feeling as if I’d been hit by a bus. Last evening’s class pushed me to my limit, and then some. It probably didn’t help that I had also hiked up a steep hill earlier in the day. Still, the experience taught me how to keep going when I felt that I had already hit my breaking point.
I might not know what this journey has in store for me, but I’m just happy to savor it as it unfolds. And perhaps more than anything, I’m grateful to my long-term meditation practice for gifting me with the ability to meet new and difficult situations in ways I hadn’t foreseen earlier in life.
Luna Sundari Howell is a multidisciplinary artist, writer, and teacher with a background in yoga, meditation, and Japanese literature & visual culture. She’s devoted to supporting soulful creatives through private sessions and group classes focused on inner exploration and creative self-expression. If you’d like to learn more, please visit sundariarts.com
I love hearing about your experience! I've always wanted to try Aikido. Can't wait to hear how this turns out for you. :)
Oh, this is wonderful!